We Were Lovers
by Unit7
Summary: Judith's death brings a toll on Joan. As she lays awake on that night, she rreflects on Judith and her relationship with her. OneShot. Please read and review.


Authors Note: I loved the relationship between Joan and Judith. When Joan said she loved Judith it surprised me, because I do not think I have ever considered using the word in that way. Often times the word love is connected with boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and such. But rarely do you ever see it with friendship. This OneShot takes place on the night of Judith's Death and Joan's contemplation of things. Please Read and Review and enjoy the story.

We Were Lovers

Laying on her bed in the dark, Joan allowed the tears to flow once more. In the faint distance she could hear her friends and family discussing the nights events. Sometimes, a small quote of Hamlet found its way up the stairs, and into her bedroom. Friedman. She mulled the agreement between him and Judith for a moment. He had gone through with it blindly, or perhaps a better word would be with faith, Joan mused. What would he say if he found out Judith had been serious? She thought back to her private conversation that day. The one where Judith confided in her, that if Friedman managed to memorize it, she would in fact go out with him.

For a brief moment, Joan's tears halted. Instead she smiled at the thought of Judith and Friedman on a date, perhaps to La Cachette. She tried to picture their first date and what they might discuss. She enjoyed the vision, even hiccuping a laugh when things got awkward.

_But it would never happen, _a voice whispered inside her. She recognized the voice immediately, and she loathed it. It was the part of you that wanted to crush your dreams, bring you back to reality in the most terrifying experiences. The denier of dreams, Joan named it. But what she hated most about The Denier of Dreams, was how much truth it speaks. Her eyes began to sting, as hot salty tears pooled there. She gave a soft hiccup, allowing the tears to fall.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to curse the world, and God for denying her Judith. They had been lovers in a harsh world. They had shared a perfect friendship. Even at their worst, they could look into each others eyes and share the connection they had with each other.

She then reflected back on her time at Crazy Camp. It had perhaps been her darkest time, yet there was a brilliant light preventing her from slipping away, Judith. The same way Judith saw her. Together they walked the dark tunnel of life, providing light for each other.

Dr. Dan was excited to learn Joan's new friendship. Thinking it better then the one she shared with 'God.' He viewed this relationship as a positive step forward in her attempt at reclaiming a delusion-free life. Yet Joan felt empty. More empty then she had in a long time. Then Judith came along, and then Joanith. That void filled and perhaps it was this that made Crazy Camp bearable, if only just

Then a realization came about her, that sprang tears of happiness to her puffy eyes. Had God seen to it that Joan in her spiritual crisis, found someone to light the way? About time God repaid the favor she thought, wanting to laugh. But she couldn't. Because Judith couldn't, and more importantly Joanith couldn't. Because when Judith ceased to exist, so did Joanith. Her brief pause in mourning ceased, and the tears of the mourning replaced that of the joyful.

"Do you really think that Joan?" The voice startled Joan for a moment, and then it angered her. Joan sat up in her bed, and held her knees close and stared at where her feet were under the covers; refusing to meet the 'benevolent' Gods eyes. "Joan?" He asked again.

"Well isn't it the truth?" Joan whispered. "She is dead, she can't laugh."

"What does it mean to be dead?" God asked. Joan looked up to him. In the dark she could see his brown corduroy coat.

"Not being alive," Joan said, "To cease to exist."

"Have you forgotten about Rocky?" God asks sitting down at the foot of her bed. His all seeing brown eyes bore into her. Joan shook her head to say no, had God introduced her to two people who were destined to die so shortly after befriending them?

"Death is scary, especially when its a friend or loved one." God said sighing, "But its something thats needed."

"But why?" Joan screamed, for a moment the conversations down stairs paused. God simply gave a half crooked smile. Of course he wont say, Joan thought.

"Matter can be neither created nor destroyed," God paused, and then said amused, "except for when I command it."

"But you wont," Joan commented releasing her grip on her knees. God stood up then, and walked towards the door. Before leaving he paused and turned around."You shouldn't mourn her, but because I know you will think about your experience with Rocky." With that he left her the room and gave his trademark wave.

But she ignored his advice, and cried herself to sleep. But before sleep came, she saw Judith standing where God had. Her piercing gaze unnerved her for a moment, then she relaxed under their scrutiny. She would accept her accusations, that she had failed to save her. But they never came.

"I loved you," Joan whispered.

"No," Judith said. Joan's face twisted in horror and then Judith's face was lit by a smile. "Loved is in the past tense, it should be love." Judith gave a small laugh, "who would have guessed I would retain some of the info from English?"

"Even after death," Joan gave a weak smile, not wanting to show weakness in front of her best friend.

"Jojo, don't be sad," Judith said. "I love you too."

Then Joan slipped into the world of dreams, hoping her conversation with Judith was real.


End file.
